Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Missing hubby




I’m back to blogging after a 2-year hiatus. I realized this is one way of coping when missing hubby.  He went to Norway after staying here for about 5 months. This is probably the longest period we’ve spent together since we got married.

Can’t really understand why I’m that affected now. I should be getting used already to this semi-long distance setup. Before we got married, it was like this for 5 years.  After we got married 4 years ago, it’s still like this. Maybe because his last stay in Manila was the longest period we were together (but I haven’t really kept track of this). Maybe because we both got frustrated that our expectations that his new work won’t entail going onboard or abroad didn’t happen. Maybe because we had new plans, like moving to another apartment and re-opening a business, and I was left alone to do everything.

I find myself a bit silly that I cried two days ago when he was still with me.  We were lying on bed – he was on the verge of snoring, I was on the verge of crying.  I missed him already, even though he was physically present with me. I tossed around, fought to keep any tear from flowing my eyes. And then, it flowed, I sniffed, and then more tears. I tried to cry very discreetly, so I won’t wake him up, and he won’t think I’m emotionally weak. But then, I sniffed again, and I couldn’t breathe normally. How discreet can I get, huh! And then, he embraced me.  And he knew I was crying very silently.  I immediately stood up, went outside the room to blow my nose and drink water.  I went back to bed. I knew he was awake and waiting for me.  When I climbed back to bed, I commented something like I hate myself.  And then he joked about me being a drama queen. I said no, then said, yes.   And we both laughed. And we were awake for another 30 minutes. I was trying to rationalize myself, chatting nonsense.  He was trying to make me sleep by stroking my back and gently touching my forehead.  His method usually works on me after half hour, but two nights ago, it worked faster when he said that we’ll pray that he’ll work land-based here can really happen. I think the idea of hoping together, before I really go to sleep, put me at peace. 

The following night, I told him I’m not that sad anymore.  The worship service in the church gave me another strength and peace.  He smiled. And then I joked that another reason why I’m not that sad anymore was because I secretly saved some money to follow him. I’d just show up in his apartment one day and catch his girlfriend. We laughed and had a very short pillow fight.  After a while, he got serious and said that I should also be still praying for him to resist such temptations.  He knew I prayed for this when we were not yet married but I relaxed a bit when we tied the knot. Now I know I must do this again consistently. And last night, I did. It was more than enough way of coping when missing hubby.  Prayer does not only give you feel-good hormones, it gives you not just peace and comfort, it builds up your faith that everything will be all right. Thank you Lord Jesus! 

1 comment:

Kristine Gavilano said...

Thanks for sharing this one sis. I'm also in the same situation - in the semi-long distance set-up - and can relate to you very much. That story about your cousin was also similar to my uncle who committed suicide a few months back. :(

I hope I can read more of your posts soon. God bless!