I’m back to blogging. I now have time to do so because I’m home alone again, with nothing else to do. My hubby just left home yesterday, again for another seafaring assignment somewhere in Korea for two to three months.
I thought I could blog when hubby was here. But we found ourselves doing a lot of social activities the last two months, attending parties and all sorts of gatherings from family and friends. Then we found our schedule is already full with so many activities in the church now that we have taken various responsibilities in the ministry. Church work isn’t work, but labor of love, and yet just the same, you have to give your time and 100 percent on it.
It’s not true that when you’re not working, you have all the time in the world. False. I just realized that, you don’t have time when you choose your world and decide to “work” on it, live on it. For so many years, my world has been my work; my skills and what I do for a living have, to an extent, defined who I am. Today, I live in a world where employment stops defining one’s personality, capability, failures, successes, and even futures.
So now I am blogging about this world. The world of a housewife seems boring and carefree to others. I would not disagree because others’ sense of excitement and achievement may really be based on compliments from the boss, promotions, and higher salaries. It’s just that in my world now, as a housewife, I feel fulfilled when I get a thumbs-up sign from my hubby for the meals I experimented cooking for him, for breaking my back cleaning the house, and all the works. And you know, these may take hours too, it’s beyond an 8-5 job and yes, you get busy for house chores. I also get excited when we have our dates, whether it’s it in the mall, bar, coffee shop or just at home, if you know what I mean, hehe.
And yet it’s not as if my “employment” as his wife, as Mrs. ___, is the definition of who I am, what I do, can do, and can’t do. Who am I? I am not just Mrs. Hubby’s-surname the day I got married. I am still the same obnoxious girl who likes to humor everyone, though I just turned to a lady who has to lower down the volume of her laughter, as prescribed by the hubby. I am still frank, but not brutally frank anymore, ever since hubby taught me to be more sensitive. I am still the same me in so many ways, but I’d like to believe in an upgraded, improved version. And then there were the inevitable changes, I got submissive to a man, my man, when I used to love girl power or woman empowerment. I realized, it’s easier to submit to someone not just because you love him, but because, he loves you much and sometimes, more.
What is my future as Mrs.Hubby’s-surname? I would still be cooking and cleaning the house but I still have a gazillion dreams that reflect what I can do and can’t do –but mostly would want to do. These include learning new languages, driving, culinary, putting up a business, having children, traveling to Japan, Korea, Greece, Spain, revisiting Italy, Paris, and Switzerland, donating a building to a church, worshipping one God the way He wants to be worshipped with our families and friends, writing a book that can shake the world, designing my own clothes, etcetera etcetera.
Did I choose this world? It’s easier to say to others that my husband prefers that I stop working, that he suggests that I only take part-time jobs but not full-time work, because he values my health. And I know, he also feels a sense of achievement for this, because it means he can take care of all the bills by himself.
It’s more difficult to explain that I also like this world. At first, I thought I would never be a housewife for long. I remember filling out a form, where there is a space asking for your employment, and I wrote “housewife,” and I have to read it thrice, a bit disbelieving. I thought my shock came from the fact that I felt inadequate having no employment, but I realized that when I wrote “housewife,” it already meant I embraced being one, otherwise, I could have just written “none,” right? I like this world, not just because I have more free time on my hands, but because I am able to think more, feel more. Think what I can do more with my free time, think about our future and not just my future, what we both want, not just what I want. Feel more love, appreciate that the simple things done for you are done out of love, and being able to give more love to others whom I used to ignore.
Why it’s easy for me to give up the so-called career? Because work, really, has just stopped being my source and sense of fulfillment in life, it is simply a tool to earn more, save more, get rich. And long ago, even before I got married, I realized I’m not Madonna-ma-ma-maateerial girl hehe. I rejected three fat offers, two of these include being able to work in other progressive countries because there were more important things to consider other than earning dollars, instead of pesos. Though I indulge in pleasures that can be bought by money, I am happier when I am able to put a smile on the people I love and value, and be with them longer than I am in the office. In fact, my bosses from my previous employments often guessed when hubby arrives in the country, they say I am dying to get home when I used to be the last to leave the office. My hubby is higher than my boss, so it’s also difficult to explain to others that I feel more dejected when my husband got so dismayed that he came home one night and I haven’t cooked any meal for him compared to a time when a boss got disappointed in me for submitting an article so late.
This is my world now. I haven’t explored it much and there is so much more to discover. I am excited and feel blessed that in this world, I get to work more with the man I love.