Friday, May 29, 2009

am i really nagging or not?

I think I’m guilty. This morning, I sent an email to dear hubby complaining why he hadn’t emailed or texted me the past 2 or 3 days. I just can’t bear it, knowing we don’t have real time communication while he’s on the sea (emails and texts are not sent and received exactly at the same time you press the send button or open the email; they just rely on technology called smscrewmail).

It’s depressing to not hear anything from him. I’m a certified worrywart, I can’t get used to our setup although we’ve been through this for the past 6 years already. Even just a one-liner like “musta ka na?” will make me feel all right and stop worrying whether their ship submerged somewhere, got pirated, if he caught swine flu or not (no, no, infidelity has not been on my list, I trust him perfectly on this issue). Of course, I always try to be positive and prayerful about these concerns. But sometimes even the loneliness alone just creeps inside me, that no amount of entertainment or social life can be enough distraction to make me forget we are far apart. Hubby knows these and understands me perfectly, ang suwerte ko rin ah! So the solution that we’ve been doing for the last 6 years is to drop a note every day to each other no matter how short it is or how busy we both are. So I can really get windang or crazy when I don’t hear anything from him even if it’s just 2 or 3 days.

Anyhow, I’m guilty because I nagged. First, I sent a very short SMS, asking why he wasn’t able to get in touch with me the past few days, even saying he has forgotten it’s also difficult to be the one left behind and waiting for him (ang drama ko diba :p). Of course, I texted this in a nice way, malambing kuno pero halatang may tampururot, hehe. Then I waited for another day. I assumed there were technical problems. Until today, finally, I got an email from him. I was kinda aware there were actually technical problems, but I put them aside, and proceeded with asking why he had emailed me just now and even told him “maybe you don’t care even if you don’t hear anything from me.” (ang emote ko diba pam-FAMAS awards).

So am I nagging? Technically, according to a clinical psychotherapist I interviewed lately, you are already nagging if you repeat what you said more than twice to your spouse. More than twice? Yes, mga misis, you are nagging if you said something more than twice. I complained twice. Only twice - one in SMS, one in email. So that means I’m not yet nagging! Hooray! Hehehe.

But still, I feel guilty because I know I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It was brief and wasn’t the usual tirade of naggers (which 80s husbands like to call bra-ta-ta-ta-tat! machine gun nagging). But I kinda knew that we were, again, victims of technical failures. My dramatic statements were just that, drama lang ‘yun, I don’t really believe those words. And so, knowing that, I shouldn’t have nagged him at all. Instead, I should have stretched my patience and just trust that he’ll get in touch soon. Alam ko naman hindi niya ko matitiis eh! Hehe. Miss na miss na ako nun eh. Well, same thing here. Forgive me for nagging, maybe I just really miss my guy. Yup, maybe that’s it, because right after I emailed, I got a call from him (via satellite phone). And when I heard his voice, all my tampo and inis just melted away, instantly. Haay, long distance marriage can really make you crazy sometimes.

Friday, May 15, 2009

OUR love

(I’m joining for the first time, this is my first entry for their topic on SpeakoutFriday.)

Hubby and I were so thankful that it didn’t rain on our wedding day (garden wedding po kasi kami sa ceremony). But tears rained during our exchange of vows. Guests commented that they were touched and inspired. We were surprised that even the people not really close to us cried. Later on, I realized it’s not just the words nor the manner of delivery, it’s not just the speech. The people closer to us said they simply felt the genuine love we have for each other.

And I guess that’s what hubby and I really keep in mind, seek our hearts when we no longer find logical answers, when explanations don’t seem enough, when patience and understanding reached limits. Because there, we find our love.
Love has become such a commercial, hackneyed term that it either sounds too basic and simple or too complex and indefinable. It sounds simple because it seems easy to love and be in love, thinking it’s such a familiar feeling and probably the basic reason why you got together. And yet it becomes complex when you get hurt or you hurt the ones you love.

Even so, I believe that just remembering love for each other can really make any marriage work. If love is forgotten along arguments, misunderstandings, and distances, it tends to move away, and worse, got lost somewhere. “Love each other and everything follows,” Ryan Cayabyab advised to celebrity couple Juday and Ryan. (Napaka-showbuzzz ko hehe) I totally agree. Trust, commitment, respect, loyalty, patience, understanding – how can you remember all these if you forget about the simple yet complex thing called true love? Of course, there is love worth fighting for and love worth giving up. The love worth dying for is two-way kind of love that learns trust, commitment, respect, loyalty, patience, understanding.

When hubby and I both remember our love for each other, our prides shrink and forgiveness expands, our points of views pause from racing against each other and our listening (and not just hearing) ears take the lead. I think when two persons have this kind of love for each other, love, as the cliché goes, conquers all. Someday, we would have children who would fall in love and get hurt along the way, run to us when they have fights with their significant others, I would probably tell them these: “Anak, if you are sure that both of you love each other, both of you, kayong dalawa, should remember that feeling no matter what as you talk things out.”

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My hubby’s dream (as in panaginip)

I dunno if this is worthy of a first blog. (technically, this is 2nd because my first entry was actually a rationalization of how I got into blogging.) But I am intrigued, a bit bothered, fascinated, and plain amused with my hubby. About two weeks ago, he texted me saying he really missed me because he dreamt of me almost every night (he’s 11,424 miles or 18,385 kilometers away from me right now and we haven’t seen each other for 2 months, 2 weeks and 6 days!).

I’ll keep the other dreams to ourselves, hehe. But this dream is kinda worth sharing.
Hubby dreamed of me being interviewed by a local celebrity host Kris Aquino.
Kris: “You’re so shy…”’
Me: (smiles) [I just presumed I just smiled and didn’t say a thing coz ganon ako pag nahihiya, mahiyain daw o!]
Kris: “Tell us about your famous ‘loving and quiet’…”

End of story. Bitin? Ay naku, hubby can’t remember the details of the dreams. He just told me I got famous for something about “loving and quiet.” Uh, okkkay. So the following day, I googled “loving and quiet” and realized most of the entries refer to a pet. Anu ba, meowwww, ngiyaaaaw. Arf arf! Roaaar! Hehe. Did I turn into a pet that’s why I became famous? Enough to be interviewed by Kris? Haha. I can sometimes be a tiger ‘pag galit or bwiset. Not that nangangalmot ako, hehe, but I can scratch your pride. Oh, nasty. But years before I got married, my hubby taught me to mellow and say “Arf arf” to him. Yup, I became like a doggie na sunud-sunuran sometimes. And guess what, I don’t mind. I submit to him when I understand why I need to do things the way he wants me to do them. Submissive wife, yes, but I’m still learning this one.

I had to get married to start blogging

My friend introduced me to blogging probably around five years ago, but I never really wanted to have one. I used to joke that like other celebs, I want a private life, hehe (feeling artista diba?). My friend tried to lure me into blogging saying I can still keep the blog like a diary if I select a private option or something to that effect in the blog options.

I was skeptical and was contented to just read her blog and other blogs if I have time and find an entry interesting. This made me a “blog lurker.” In fact, last year, I was even forced to create a blog from other site just to read my friend’s private entry. I never wrote my first blog in it, I just created it to read her entry. Wow, I forgot what that entry was all about but it was surely so intriguing that I created a, uh, lurker blog.

So why am I starting a blog now? Another friend showed me a community for blogs (I’m not sure if that’s how I should call it) and was fascinated with the entries of other wives. I wanted to share my own piece. And I realized, I have so many thoughts as a newly married woman that I wanted to write. And yeah, well, share to the world (there goes my private life, hehe).

I hope it’s not yet too late to blog, I feel like I missed some thoughts already which I should have blogged before. I already had my share of adventures and misadventures since I got married, after 27 years of existence on earth, 5 months and 13 days ago. So yeah, I had to get married to get the nudge I need to start blogging. Why? My future adventures and misadventures would tell us both why.