I think I’m guilty. This morning, I sent an email to dear hubby complaining why he hadn’t emailed or texted me the past 2 or 3 days. I just can’t bear it, knowing we don’t have real time communication while he’s on the sea (emails and texts are not sent and received exactly at the same time you press the send button or open the email; they just rely on technology called smscrewmail).
It’s depressing to not hear anything from him. I’m a certified worrywart, I can’t get used to our setup although we’ve been through this for the past 6 years already. Even just a one-liner like “musta ka na?” will make me feel all right and stop worrying whether their ship submerged somewhere, got pirated, if he caught swine flu or not (no, no, infidelity has not been on my list, I trust him perfectly on this issue). Of course, I always try to be positive and prayerful about these concerns. But sometimes even the loneliness alone just creeps inside me, that no amount of entertainment or social life can be enough distraction to make me forget we are far apart. Hubby knows these and understands me perfectly, ang suwerte ko rin ah! So the solution that we’ve been doing for the last 6 years is to drop a note every day to each other no matter how short it is or how busy we both are. So I can really get windang or crazy when I don’t hear anything from him even if it’s just 2 or 3 days.
Anyhow, I’m guilty because I nagged. First, I sent a very short SMS, asking why he wasn’t able to get in touch with me the past few days, even saying he has forgotten it’s also difficult to be the one left behind and waiting for him (ang drama ko diba :p). Of course, I texted this in a nice way, malambing kuno pero halatang may tampururot, hehe. Then I waited for another day. I assumed there were technical problems. Until today, finally, I got an email from him. I was kinda aware there were actually technical problems, but I put them aside, and proceeded with asking why he had emailed me just now and even told him “maybe you don’t care even if you don’t hear anything from me.” (ang emote ko diba pam-FAMAS awards).
So am I nagging? Technically, according to a clinical psychotherapist I interviewed lately, you are already nagging if you repeat what you said more than twice to your spouse. More than twice? Yes, mga misis, you are nagging if you said something more than twice. I complained twice. Only twice - one in SMS, one in email. So that means I’m not yet nagging! Hooray! Hehehe.
But still, I feel guilty because I know I shouldn’t have reacted that way. It was brief and wasn’t the usual tirade of naggers (which 80s husbands like to call bra-ta-ta-ta-tat! machine gun nagging). But I kinda knew that we were, again, victims of technical failures. My dramatic statements were just that, drama lang ‘yun, I don’t really believe those words. And so, knowing that, I shouldn’t have nagged him at all. Instead, I should have stretched my patience and just trust that he’ll get in touch soon. Alam ko naman hindi niya ko matitiis eh! Hehe. Miss na miss na ako nun eh. Well, same thing here. Forgive me for nagging, maybe I just really miss my guy. Yup, maybe that’s it, because right after I emailed, I got a call from him (via satellite phone). And when I heard his voice, all my tampo and inis just melted away, instantly. Haay, long distance marriage can really make you crazy sometimes.